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Secret Diary of Haldir

Secret Diary Translation in Chinese (thanks to echo)

Disclaimer: I have put this off for far too long. *he he* This is NOT I repeat NOT my idea I have expanded upon another's idea. I just loved the idea so much I HAD to write my own and I hope Haldir fans can have a giggle. I recommend you read the diaries here (the ones I have no affiliation with) before you read this. Put new picture up and wrote a Gil-Galad diary (link at bottom of the page), Go Me.

The Very Secret Diary of Haldir of Lorien

Day 1

Got made Captain today! Big manly bonding sessions all week.

Day 9005

Met weird human today, says name is Aragorn son of Arathon and that he is meant to be king or something, wasn't really paying much attention.

Day 9006

Aragorn still complaining about not being King, getting annoyed now. Suggested he take a bath and wash hair.

Day 14007

Surprised fellowship this morning. Made witty comment to dwarf, dwarf pissed off. Go me!

Small lawn ornament with blue eyes caught my attention, Aragorn gave me evil look. Think the friend is hotter. The mohawked one looked funny.

Made dwarf walk up lots of stairs. Go me!

Day 14008

Hiding from Aragorn, dont want to hear him complain about not being king, still recovering from the last time.

Caught Legolas in Galadriels mirror pond. V.scary, hair was all shampooed up and was singing into brush, think someone else was with him, possibly Celeborn. Remember incident last autumn, *shudder*.

Aragorn caught me and whinged all afternoon and night about not being King and all about Frodo. Stupid hobbit fancier, hed better not try anything Sam will kill him. In hind sight that be a good thing, then have Sam to myself.

Day 14009

Why me? Everyone is bringing their complaints to me, cant escape. Legolas pranced on and on about his hair and the spot on his nose (tried not to laugh its huge!) then he showed me his nude rendition of The Silmarrillion and asked me what was wrong with it took a Valium still in shock. Then Boromir found me and complained about Aragorn, stupid git doesnt he see that Aragorn is into Frodo? Escaped Boromir then was ambushed by Sam, was happy, had nice chat with Sam.

Day 14010

Fellowship left, gave Sam nice rope to remember me by, also gave the rest cloaks, dwarf tried to bite me when I gave it to him. Stood on shore and watched them go, suppressed urge to wave furiously, Galadriel was giving me the I want to talk look tried to run away but she caught me.

She complained all afternoon about hairs in her pond and about Frodo, is everyone into Frodo? Sam is way better.

Day 14012

Hiding in forest, sick of people thinking Im a shrink. Leaves pretty, missing Sam.

Day 14013

Arwen found me. I listened when she talked all about Aragorn loving hobbits and about that stupid dwarf (what was she thinking?) Her purple dress looked out of shape asked her what happened to it said Legolas wore it typical poncy elf, that dress looked fabulous on me.

Arwen asked if I was still interested in her, told her about Sam, she got annoyed and said she was going shopping, told her to try Gap at Rohan received evil look.

Day 14014

Still hiding in forest. Shot rabbit, Go me!

Note: Okay from here on out - this is my stuff - no stealing the ideas from the other Secret Diaries site - this stuff is out of my warped head - though I do embellish on the ideas of the last section of the diary which the ideas came from the other site - I'm babbling - enjoy!

Day 14017

Galadriel called me today - she says she wants me for something - I shudder to think what - I just hope she doesn't go on and on about Frodo again.

Day 14018

Got shiny new armour today. Spent sometime looking into the river admiring my reflection - I look good.

Day 14019

Marched out of Lothlorien today with a bunch of Elves from Rivendell and Lorien - I'm the only one with a red cloak, go me!

Dusk 14022

Got to blow the horn (no not THAT horn) on arriving at Helm's Deep. We marched in, in perfect formation (so that's what all that marching was for - I just thought Celeborn was checking us out) I was most impressed. Met King of Rohan - he's kinda short. 

Aragorn HUGGED me, he HUGGED me - well at least he had had a bath - I was so in shock - I'm sure his hand didn't brush my butt - I'm sure .... I think

Then Legolas gave me a manly hug (I don't know why - was he trying to impress the Rohan's or something?) Sam wasn't there - am disappointed.

Night 14022

Silly Rohan man shot Orc to early - tried very hard not to laugh  - it shut the Orcs up though - but I had to laugh at the dwarf (what's up with Legolas and the dwarf do they have a thing going or something?) he just looked so stupid standing there - you could barely see his helmet - Aragorn gave me warning looks - so I bit my lip and aimed at the Orcs

Stupid Orcs - I shot 30 of them before they even came over the wall then I slashed up some more - that was fun. Stupid Aragorn distracted me by calling a retreat - as if HE could be a King and the Orc stabbed me - stupid Orc that really hurt. Then another Orc cut me in the back - I looked around and saw Aragorn racing up to me - I was still the best looking Elf.

Day 14023

I'm in Valinor - yay! Though I kinda miss the mallorn trees and Sam, definitely miss Sam. Oh crap Gildor's here to - gotta run.

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